youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
