bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
