I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
