he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
