That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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