every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think I sprained my soul last night
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
