I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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