i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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