Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
