$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
