smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
