At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
