I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
