just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
