Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
