Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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