Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
