the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
