On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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