6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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