she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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