Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
