Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
