??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
