I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
