She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
