Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
