Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
