I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the condom got lost in my hair
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
