strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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