I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
