nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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