after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
