If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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