Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
