I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
