I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
