you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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