fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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