I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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