I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
