then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
