it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
