ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
