You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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