Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
