Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
