mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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