I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
