i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
