I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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