I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
