Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
