If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
