you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
