Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
