Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
