He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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